So this is how life changes

Somehow between then and now - here and there changed...completely. From then and there - the heartbeats raced ahead, because deadlines where to be met or important meetings to be held or projects to finish - to the now and here, with heartbeats still racing ahead and trying finishing projects or multitasking physically in all aspects possible. They both sound like work - they ARE work - but on different levels. Perhaps not imbalanced levels - because mentally it is still hard work...just include the physical part too.

I am now officially a 'stay at home mother'. My views are still the same, my thoughts still the same - my feelings and passion are overwhelming, my responsibility even greater and my exhaustion is indescribable. I have and always had great ambitions. At work especially.


Work. Was a positive challenging part of my life before giving birth. Before realizing how challenging motherhood really is and how much brainactivity and musclepower it squeezes out. My immediate thoughts on motherhood - I'll be honest: Boring, mindnumbing and mostly for all other women - but me. Especially the boring parts - because my imagination had this glazing sun outside, and I'm tranquilizing sipping coffee while the B.A.B.Y is playing by him/herself. Actually, I would be looking out of the window as a cry for help - as in 'getmeoutofhere'-look.
That last sentence wasn't far from reality in the beginning...
At Work I would announce to all, that they could save their 'goodbyes' - I would be back in no time - and preferably within 6 months....by 6 months the B.A.B.Y would be big enough to get into daycare and provide for himself. Coldhearted? Well - more ignorant of the baby's size and capability, I would say.
Then I gave birth..then my hubby announced of a job opportunity in the Eastern part of Europe....then what? Of course we took the challenge...we are Challengers - the Hubby and I. this is how we live our life, ever since the first day we met. We take upon all challenges possible - and no, it's not a race or something we do for fun. This is our way to feel life - live it at the fullest, and with that mindset, we get to see life from all of its aspects - the tough and the good sides.
Getting there - we looked at all the possibilites of me going back to work as soon as possible. But making a decision in a safe place, where you know your surroundings and values - and taking that decision in a completely unknown environment makes you think - and rethink and think again if it truly is possible to maintain that decision? 
We couldn't. We couldn't leave our son in an environment so far from our original one. We will have to return one day (hopefully in 2 years time) and will have to re-introduce the boy to our mindsets again, so we would spare him for those life-changing transition by equalling one choice out. 
Work - is a developmental stage - and place. I do not underestimate the thrills, the challenges, the ambitions and all the exciting reasons that makes you want to go to work and share your life with that particular firm. But I want to show an article..an article that appeals to all future novelists and Blockbuster's: An IBM Affair. Do rest assured - I do not look at the sex, fraud, speculation, the doom of a country's economy - but the very last paragraph is key for me. I want to make sure that the last paragraph has a meaning for me - for my family. The very last part says it all - because by the end of the game - once you have given all you had, all your knowledge, effort, enthusiasm, fight, trouble, heartbreak (yes, it will happen at work too - once you see your 'baby'-project down the drain), tears, rage, frustration, excitement, awe...most or all your life -  you really want to make sure 'it' is...worth it.
I remember a dear mentor of mine saying she wished, she could have given her child more time. Since she worked so hard as she did, she also aknowledged, that being away from her child in times where the child needed her, left her with a deep sense of remorse. I know thoughts like: 'but reality is harsh' - etc - will come around by some readers, but this is not the essense here: Is it worth it?

Home - home is where the hat is...or home is for us in our hearts. Although - after all this moving around, we have realized - home is where our dearest are. Our friends - our family or any other place that would welcome us as they have. For some, home is the country, the roots (which is another topic for another time) - because what is roots?
The parents, the place you were born, raised or people adopted by? In our small family it would be quite hilarious to find roots...partly because they are scattered all over the universe.
Just to try with mine: Parents are from Chile, I was born in Brazil, raised in Denmark, live(d) in Sweden and living currently in an eastern European country...now I'm not talking about those foreign dashes of genetics that are in me - only god knows where they are from. But for my son, it will be equally adventorous: Born in Sweden, Dad is from Denmark, Mom is (insert sentence above), but now I live in ? :)


Only the future will tell us where home is by then...
Untill then - take care - and know whoever friend you are - we are thinking of you and we miss you....